Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
