My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
