I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
