you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
