All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
