Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
