Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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