im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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