I'm jealous of your bromance
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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