You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
