I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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