i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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