dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
