its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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