dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
