If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
