I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
