what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
