And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
