he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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