I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
