It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
