Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
