Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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