As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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