You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
