I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
as a side note pls kill me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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