I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
