so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
