he shaved USA in his pubs
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drunk is a universal language darling
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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