OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
