You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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