my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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