Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
