Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
