My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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