Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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