It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
