pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
