Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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