we made out on top of his cat.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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