Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
