dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
