I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
