Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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