I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
