I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
