He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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