I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
time to smoke my breakfast
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
