I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
