Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
